Of all quotes I hear again and again, this one may just pertain most closely to my life. My particular brand of living. Characterized by a tornado of incessant thoughts whirring through my mind. Seemingly with a life of their own.
All the planning. All the lists. All the “if then”’s. All the mental projections. The time traveling into the future. Obsession over the past.
Inhibiting and preventing action. Destroying my peace of mind. And wasting time. So much time.
“I live in my head” many people say. “Really, well how is it in there?” I ask? Because nearly all of the time I’m living in my own thoughts, my life pretty much sucks. It reeks of worry and stress and “I don’t wanna” and thinking and thinking and then thinking again. I think they call that “over-thinking”. Yep, that’s me.
My brain rules me. Those thoughts are in my head. They are not “me”, exactly. No, I’m made up of my mind and my body and my brain is neither of those. That's what my 20+ years of Buddhist study has taught me anyway. But my brain often feels like it’s been given the keys to the car and is sitting arrogantly in the driver’s seat. Smirking. Taunting me like a bully. Letting me know he can stomp on the gas pedal and slam on the brakes on any whim. And toss me around inside the car til I end up bloodied and bruised. Maybe even dead.
Well that’s me some of the time anyway. A very distinct “some of the time”. That’s how it goes when 1) I don’t meditate and 2) I don’t do yoga. (Which somehow seem to go together). I might be keeping up with the rest of my life, but when I bail on those 2 spokes of my wellness wheel I end up adrift in my thoughts.
Living the dream? Yeah, maybe. But not a very pleasant one.